The Night Roger Confessed All.

We were drunk when he told me. I don't know if he ever would have come clean otherwise.

Roger and I used to date (what? I told you that. I most certainly did. Go back and look). Long time ago. We worked together while in college. We were both on the waitstaff of a fancy restaurant. Let me just interject something here: this was not the best time of my life. I was severely depressed with profoundly low self-esteem and was looking for some kind, any kind of connection with another human being. I was recovering from some serious drama that happened months ago and to top it all off, I had just been dumped shortly before starting work at the restaurant.

I had noticed Roger within the first week. He was handsome, with this boyish charm to him. He knew just how to compliment and schmooze to get the good tips. And then he started to show interest in me. I was smitten almost immediately.

It didn't take Roger long to realize that I was not the right girl for him and told me as much, but it took me a bit longer to face facts. While I liked Roger as a person, I mean we really connected on many levels, just not in the right way. It wasn't him that I was clinging to, he was just a warm body. I finally admitted to myself that I had crossed the line over to crazy and backed off.

No I didn't go to therapy. I needed to. But I had already done that route when the drama hit and it didn't work, obviously. Instead I partied too much, drank too much, smoked too much, and had bad relationships until I basically grew out of my depression.

All the while, my new friend Roger was there. When he wasn't there physically, pulling me out of some club when I had been there way too late, he was on the other end of the phone when I needed to cry about the latest loser stealing my cash. He counseled me after graduation when I was freaking out about what to do with my life and he went with me to the bank when I applied for my small business loan. He was there for my bookstore's grand opening and he bought a prodigious amount of books the month I wasn't sure I was going to make enough to cover rent.

And he didn't ask for anything in return. Of course I was there for him too like when he was sworn into the bar and I threw him a surprise party for his thirtieth birthday. I was there when the girl he proposed to one week before ran off with her secretary the next. I was there for the political repercussions when it was exposed that an adviser to the congressman had been unwittingly dating a lesbian.

It was because of the philandering fiancee that I learned of Roger's secret. He was drinking, like you do, and was at the point of the 'I should have knowns..."

"I should have known she didn't love me when she said she hated the way I ate cereal. I should have known when she didn't want to move in together before the wedding. What couples don't live together first now a-days? I should have known when she got more turned on during the Wild Things pool scene then I did. Hell, Gia was her favorite movie! I should have know when I couldn't tell her about my ailment, about when I grow into Leviathan. "

"Excuse me? What was that last one?"